Defeated...never a good feeling

Like a ceiling you just can't touch, or a ladder that endlessly goes on...I can't get to the top.

Just a few seconds pass, lungs tight, bubbles increasing as I reach and reach.

I see the suns rays glistening through what seems like bleak darkness, if I can only get there.

Try to hold it, but its just not working, air dwindling...reaching, reaching, reaching.

Mouth opens, just can't make it, my body begins to sink further down.

One last attempt, no air at all, no sun, just darkness.

Silent and quick as I go, no one could hear me, I just can't make it...defeated.

I used to write a lot; and when I mean write, not blogging or e-mails or whatever.  I mean actually writing.  Whether it was a short story, a poem or a lovely haiku, I used to do it a lot.  Many of you probably don't know that I have actually been published before...given it was a long time ago (both during my middle school years) but still pretty cool.  If I can only find the damn book that my MLK poem is in I'd be a lot happier LOL.  Writing has always been a good way to get things off my chest, I guess it's why I like to blog.  Whether or not I'm good at it, or if people read it, or even if what I write is coherent, I could care less!  Getting my thoughts out is definitely a way to self-analyze and is very therapeutic as well. 

So in my head is what came out at the beginning of this blog.  I just feel that I'm stuck; I can't get ahead of whatever is in front of me.  The worst part of it is that when I get that feeling that something is going right, like I can get my head above water...all of a sudden I'm back under!  What is the phrase..."Behind the eight ball".  Well that is exactly how I feel.  It's unfortunate and it sucks to feel like this.

However, even though in the poem above the subject is defeated and doesn't make it; I know I can!  Right now I'm treading water...waiting for that wave to push me in, to get me back on top.  I can get there, just have to figure out the best way to do it!  I will breakthrough, I will conquer this feeling...I will be a winner.  True winners never give up; you may get knocked down, you may suffer a loss and taste defeat...but you have to brush yourself off, learn from your mistakes and do it!  Like my Grandmother said "there is no can't"...and like Yoda said "No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try!"